My Testimony of God's Miraculous Love
I grew up in a Christian home, where we moved around a lot, so I was in and out of all kinds of churches. At a young age, I could quote Bible verses left and right, and tell you any and every Bible story there is in the Good Book. As a child, I merely absorbed everything my parents ever taught me, without much thought. I was also homeschooled up through 9th grade, cutting me off from a lot of the crap that is going on in this world. In a way, that was good and I appreciate their concern and love for me for that. But in other ways, I think it may have had a weird impact on me emotionally. Either way, at the age of eleven I was introduced to spiritualism through books of all kinds. Any way I could get my hands on them, I'd take them. Slowly but surely, I became engrossed into demonism, black magic, and other occultic stuff. At first it was a "lifeline" for me...a new toy for me to play with. I enjoyed experimenting with magic and playing "Bloody Mary." But as it progressed, I became less satisfied with what I was into, and wanted something more or "better."
Click here for a short summary of what the book is about...an awesome story to which, I believe, alot of teens can relate to.
So there I was, standing at the age of 13, almost 14, living a totally twisted up life in what I thought was happiness. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized I was not happy. My family and I were torn apart (mainly because of me and my ignorance) and family fights became a nightly routine. I hated my life and did not see what my purpose was here on earth. Was I just another hopeless case? I was determined to figure out my OWN answers, but (duh) they led me nowhere. I would end up in the open field across the road after the family fights at night, screaming and cursing at the God I had refused to believe in all along. But over and over, and time after time God kept showing up, revealing to me what I had been searching for, yet I refused to accept it.
Soon my life completely backfired on me. I was deprived of sleep completely, too scared to fall asleep. The voices and forms I used to talk and chant to had now turned on me. I was "haunted" for a long time and weird things began to happen (that I won't get into). My "king" had imprisoned me. I couldn't handle my life anymore, and I tried suicide several times, which never worked. I became my own slave.
My dad had a habit of borrowing books from coworkers. Some of them were interesting, some were lame, but I had a habit of finding out. I loved to read, and since I had tried searching for the answers to life in books before, you'd figure that I'd give up and never try again. Wrong. My dad brought home a book one night that caught my eye. I grabbed it and hid it to read later. I came across the forgotten book a couple nights later after a hard battle with my parents, then another one with God up in the field. I was so depressed, and once again praying to the God I refused to believe in to please let me just die.
(You might be asking yourself: Why was she so mad at God? Why did she refuse to give in to His infinite grace? Answer: I was mad at my parents...since they had represented everything I ever knew about God, I took my frustrations from my parents out on God. In my words, I hated Him because He had given me such rotten, stinking parents. But actually, the truth was, I was the one ripping the family apart.)
Now that you've heard the darkest point of my life, here's the good part:
So, anyways, there I was, in my bedroom crying my eyeballs out, rolling in my self-pity. After I calmed down a bit, I looked over to see that book lying there. Of course, I picked it up, hoping it would be interesting enough let my mind wander away from the present scene.
As I began to read, I suddenly realized it was another one of those "religious" books, as the world would say. But it was so awesomely interesting, I could not put it down. I spent the entire night reading that wonderful book. For ages, I could not remember the title nor the author of that book, but just recently I came across the booklet.
This book tells the short story of a young lad who, after MANY, MANY turn of events, came to be on fire for God, and loved Him dearly. He changed the world as he knew it, for the better, by living for God until he died of a deadly virus at the age of eighteen.
Eighteen. Wow. Those were my exact thoughts as I closed the book. This young man had been through an earthly "hell," but instead of letting his life diminish away as I was doing, he found the answers. Now, this may be hard to describe, but I could see myself, or what I wanted to be in that young lad. I felt deserted and lonely, and not only did I not want myself to feel that way, but I didn't want anybody else to feel as awful as I did. So, not only did I want to change my life, I wanted to help others, too. I wanted to find that answer in life and be happy, plus share it with others. I wanted to make a big impact as the young dude had. God used him as an awesome tool to help fix that day's society. Now, in case you haven't noticed, today's society needs all the help it can get. It dawned on me that night with that book in my hands, that I did have a purpose, and that I wasn't just another hopeless case. I realized how much I had messed up my life, and that it was useless under my control. So, I made the decision right then and there. I kneeled down next to my bed and asked Christ to come into my heart.
Now, friend, I'm not going to argue with you about religion or theology. I cannot make you something that you do not want to be. All that I can say, and have based my ministry on, is that I love God with all my heart, soul and being. He has changed my life completely since that night; I have not been the same. He has been so good to me and has blessed me in so many ways. He has also been right by my side during the rough times. If you want real proof that there is a God out there, the only evidence I can present to you is His Word (the Bible) and my life. There is NO WAY whatsoever I could have ever changed my life for the better. Only the amazing power of an Infinite Being could. I know deep in my heart, that if I had not given into God's voice calling me that night, I would be dead now, or in a psychiatrical institution. The Bible is a complete map to the road of life. I don't have to wonder who I am, why I'm here, or where am I going.
Now, I'm not saying that because I'm a Christian now, my life is perfect; it's not. In fact, NO Christian is perfect, just forgiven! *grin* Whenever I have a problem, I know I don't hafta face it alone...I have God to walk with me 24 hours a day, everyday, and if I do happen to come across a trial or temptation, I just ask Him to hold me in His arms for awhile and we talk. *grin*
I no longer spend those lonely endless nights sitting either in my room or in the fields crying for hours over my self-pity. I know now, whenever I have a problem, there's no use in brawling over it; I just give it to Jesus! Those daily arguments, bickering, and fist-fights with my parents are OVER...I no longer have hate in my heart, but love! I have peace, joy and happiness that I could never put into words to explain to others...but I think they see what it is. *grin* I'm sooo glad I no longer have a hold on my life...I was going nowhere too fast. I am no longer obsessed with death or suicide....for I found THE REASON TO LIVE!!!!!! =o)
I remember looking at other Christians, especially my age, and being jealous. Of course, I would've never admitted it then, but I kept thinking, "Man, they got it so together." But I also remember rejecting what they had, thinking that there must be another way. Friend, I've been to every "hell hole" you could think of...answers are NOT there!
Please don't be like I was...grab a Christian friend, relative, or teacher. Ask them why they are a Christian, or for their testimony. If that's not enough, then ask some of your non-Christian friends why they reject Christ. Write down both answers. Figure it out for yourself. I know you are smart enough to realize what will get you where when and how.
"In whom the god of this world (Satan) hath blinded the minds of them which believe not, lest the light of the glorious gospel of Christ, who is the image of God, should shine unto them."
--II Corinthians 4:4
"For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life."
"Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and thou shalt be saved."
"For the scripture saying, Whosoever believeth on him shall not be ashamed."
Friend, I know that life can be confusing. I also know that one page cannot answer all the questions in your mind and heart. If there is anything you still aren't sure about, or just don't understand, I am right here. I have a twenty-four hour online youth ministry open to anyone. I will listen intently, and try to help the best way I know how. I am only an e-mail or IM away. Please, if there is anything I can do, let me know. Rock on and stay cool in Christ.
In His Grip,
You are "Cool Person" number to visit this page!